So Long Summer…Hello Schedule

Hello Bravehearted Beauties! Thank you for reading my heart on depression and for sharing your brave and beautiful hearts through comments and emails. I don’t write for a large audience, but let me tell you, when you’ve put yourself out there and are feeling all raw and exposed, it sure is nice to hear from someone! Thank you for that gift.

When you have the gift of articulating what others feel but can’t put into words themselves, it’s both a blessing and a burden. I’m pretty sure I’m still recovering from what one of my hometown heroes calls a vulnerability hangover. Dragging dark things into the light is risky business. It puts you in the line of fire. I know one well known writer who had to take her post down…just to recover from being rubbed so raw.

So why risk putting yourself out there? Why be brave? Because this world needs light. You don’t have to write a blog or go on tour as an author or speaker to be a light. Mostly, it happens right where you are in the everyday moments of life. We are light for our children, our spouse, the UPS guy, the checkout lady, the stranger you “accidentally” bump into on a crowded grocery aisle. Let there be light!

Here are my light bearers on their first day of school yesterday:

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I thought I was ready. Two girls in middle school. I can do this! I love teenage girls! I’m a no drama mama, so we’re going to make it through the drama zone with grace and goodness, right girls? {Wink!} I thought I was ready because they’ve been with me almost every minute of every long summer day. I love that, but at the end, I was feeling like it was time. Time for this mama to enjoy the quiet she craves.

But it turns out, I’m not ready. I never am. Not only did I lose my best barn helpers {meaning, I have to feed, water, collect eggs and figure out why a chicken is limping all on my own today}, but I’m all alone with no plan. This didn’t used to scare me, but when you’ve battled depression, being alone for too many days in a row with no plan to connect with a friend is dangerous. Been there. Done that. Not going there again.

For those who love being alone, I get you. The ability to sit quietly without distraction or entertainment is a beautiful gift. One of my favorite new blog friends, Jennifer, recently said, “I know God isn’t just in the quiet, but He made me to need it to feel most like myself.” Amen, sister!

But if you know yourself well enough to know that too much alone time is dangerous {for me, that means several days in a row of not connecting or interacting…days of not speaking a word between 7 am and 3 pm}, let’s be brave together. Let’s not wait for someone to invite us to the next thing. {Sometimes introverts aren’t invited because people know we’ll find every excuse to say no.} Let’s be the one to invite. Let’s be givers of life and light!

And when your best efforts fail today? Be brave and try again tomorrow. I tried to find someone to walk, have coffee or breakfast with me today. Not one single yes. Did I try everyone I know? Of course not. A few unavailables can feel like a million to some of us, so I just decided to try again another day. I’m choosing to write today. The key for introverts or those prone to isolation and depression is to remember that someone’s “not available” today isn’t a personal rejection for always. {The enemy of our souls loves to spin that lie. Speak truth to yourself. You are already fully accepted!}

Stay tuned for ways that I’ll be stepping out of my comfort zone this school year. The Lord has planted some seeds; now I just need to stop freaking out and say YES TO LIFE! In the mean time…

Here’s to the best barn helpers ever: memories from our last night of summer!

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I didn’t know where this post was going when I titled it. Not your typical back to school post! But then again, I’m not your typical girl, and neither are you!

Let’s be brave with our hearts today!