Hello, Bravehearted Beauties. I’ve been away far too long. So long that I forgot how to log in to my own blog! I didn’t intend to take a break from writing. And the truth is, it’s not good for me to stay silent for so long. I’ve said many times over the last seven years of blogging that words are like the air I breathe…essential to feeling alive and well. When I go silent and keep the words bottled up inside, I start to feel like I’m choking or suffocating. It’s not good for me.
And it’s not good for you. God has made it very clear to me over the years that I don’t write just for me. God has given me this way with words…this way of speaking to your heart as He speaks to mine. There are things He wants to say to you through me. There are places He wants to access in your heart as I reveal my heart before you in vulnerable ways. There is beauty He wants to reveal in your brokenness as I share my own journey of beauty and brokenness. And there are stories He wants to tell. Not my stories, but His stories. He is the ultimate author. I’m honored to be His mouthpiece. And sad that I’m silent at times.
I have a really big, beautiful God story to share. I heard God asking me to share it before I even knew what it was He wanted me to share. In January, God said as clearly as I’ve ever heard Him: “Tell your story so I can tell Mine.” I said, “Yes, God.” But I didn’t know where to begin. Then in February, God revealed a huge missing piece of my story. {I always sensed a piece was missing, but couldn’t have told you what it was.} In March, I knew this was the story I was meant to share. A story far greater than myself or anyone else involved…a story meant to glorify God. In April, May, and most of June, I stayed completely quiet in an attempt to honor others involved. In late June, I told you I was living a great story and couldn’t wait to share it. In July, I told you I was bursting at the seams and still couldn’t share it. But that’s exactly when I wish I had broken the silence. Because in June and July, God told me it was time. But I delayed. And since then, my silence has come at a cost.
So why the long silence? Why didn’t I write sooner? God is asking me to be honest with you here. I think He knows you’ll find more of yourself as I share more of myself. So here is the truth:
I allowed fear to silence me. I allowed the fear of others to become a louder voice in my head than the voice of God in my heart. I allowed my fear of a few who don’t want me to share the story keep me from writing the story God has asked me to share. I have feared the reaction of a few, discomfort of a few, disapproval of a few and rejection of a few. So much that I stayed silent when I knew it was time to write. What began as a loving desire to honor others grew into a fear of others. I hid behind honoring for too long, and today, I’m calling it what it is: fear. Fear isn’t honoring; it’s dishonoring…to my God and to myself.
Bravehearted Beauties, your voice is needed. Your stories are needed. Especially when God tells you it’s time to speak them. There’s no good thing that comes from fear-induced silence. Trust me. I went from feeling fully alive in the story I was living to feeling burdened, trapped, small and stifled. I turned inward and have felt dangerously close to my previous battles with depression. {Depression rises when I shrink inward and make myself small. I don’t want to shrink anymore.}
A recent declaration from Brené Brown and Glennon Doyle Melton captures some of what I’ve become aware of in my own battle with silence and smallness:
“My silence is not going to be your comfort. My job is not to make you comfortable by dying on the inside and staying small and quiet.”
Dying on the inside. That’s what it feels like when you’re keeping silence out of fear…all in an attempt to appease others. Dying on the inside is what depression feels like, too. So…appeasing in order to make others feel more comfortable while I remain silent and spiral into depression? No, thank you. I’m done. It’s time to share the story God has asked me to share. It’s time to give Him the glory and give myself the freedom and healing that comes with speaking my voice and using the gifts He’s given me.
This is where I need to remember how God sees me, who He made me to be, and the new name He calls me: Bravehearted Beauty. I don’t rise up and speak my voice or share my story because it’s easy for me to do, or because I’m good at it, or because I have the support and blessing of others. I rise up and speak my voice because God calls me to do it…and because God calls me brave. And remember, bravery isn’t the absence of fear. Bravery is stepping right into the fear. It’s saying, “I see you fear, but today, I am not ruled by you. I am ruled by my God who makes me BRAVE!”
So Bravehearted Beauties, I have a big, beautiful God story to share. And this time, I will not let fear keep me from sharing it. I’ve heard God say, “It’s time.” And this time, I’m going to honor His voice above all others. I’ll be back soon!
With all of my brave heart,
P.S. In case you’re tempted to think I’m good at being brave and you’re not, let me tell you: I ripped a couple fingernails off in the first few paragraphs of this post. And even as I finish writing, fear isn’t absent. I don’t know if it ever will be this side of heaven. But we step into fear because being ruled by it wrecks all kinds of havoc on our hearts, souls, minds and bodies. You can do this brave thing today, Bravehearted Beauties! Even if you pick a few fingernails, fall down, fail or whatever else along the way. Keep choosing the brave thing in the midst of fear. And when you do, fear will lose its power, leaving you more free!
Krista - You are exactly right when you say that God has used you & the words that you share to bring hope among other things to those who need it. I ❤️ God’s divine timing. I was struggling yesterday with sharing what God has put on my ❤️ to share with others.
It has become apparent in the past few years that He has called me to be an encourager. He even spoke those words over me one day. One of the areas He has called me to encourage in is about babies. He gives me very specific encouragement to share with those I know personally & even those that I don’t really know. Like you shared, sometimes I let the fear of what the person I am led to share His words with, put the wedge of doubt in me. Then I think of what Jesus did for me on the cross. How can I not honor the mighty & sovereign God?
I was prompted to share encouragement with a popular blogger who has shared her struggles with pregnancy. I sent her an e-mail telling her what God revealed. When I didn’t get a response, I was able to contact her & explain about the e-mail. She still hasn’t responded to the e-mail. On her blog yesterday she spoke of an incredible weekend that she had & described many God moments. My ❤️ became sad. Not for me,but for the fact didn’t reading His revealing in my e-mail speak to her as well? Did she think that I am some random crazy person claiming something that is false? Should I really put myself out there & be vulnerable to being unheard or rejected?
But then God. This is what He told me. He said that it’s not about me. It’s about being obedient to Him. He then reminded me of the apostles & how they spread the good Word despite being ridiculed, mocked, rejectted. In that moment I saw the one who was treated worse than I could ever imagine being treated. He hung on that cross for me. He endured it all. Far be it from little ole me to allow fear & doubt creep in & not share the words I am called by the most Holy to share.
We need to not allow the enemy steal, kill or destroy what God has entrusted us with.
Bravehearted Beauty - “It’s not about me. It’s about being obedient to Him.” That’s the heart of it right there, Krista. Well, said! Thank you for that truth, God!
Patti - I do hope you come back soon! I was so hoping you’d be telling the story today!
Talia - Hoping to hear the story soon!
Mary Catherine - Welcome back Lynsey! Thank you for your beautiful writing and honesty! I look forward to reading your brave story!
Guest - I love how singer Sara Bareilles says it: “Say what you want to say and let the words fall out…show me how big your brave is….” I cringe to think what you’re about to say (because I feel the discomfort you are experiencing, even though I don’t know you), but I stand with you as someone who feels stifled. And being stifled (or FEELING stifled) does a number on your body, mind and soul…and you’re right, it’s a burden you were never meant to carry (and why we’d think otherwise is just crazy!).
Bravehearted Beauty - Love those lyrics! Thank you for reminding me of them today. And yes, there is discomfort for a pleaser who’s been addicted to keeping the peace. But God has a story to tell, and He’s given it to me to tell. So…here we go! Breaking free of the silence I’ve kept will surely feel better than this!
Cynthia - Great post, Linsey! Miss you and hugs
Suzanne - Just read this Linsey, and I so admire your bravery! I know that fear has played a huge part in my life and my family’s lives the past several years. Sometimes life does not go as planned, and circumstances and events can change us forever. I believe that God can make beauty from ashes and that our mess really becomes our message. You are so special and such a blessing! Thank you! ❤️
Sheila Reinstein - Looking forward to hearing your inner beauty tell her story. Henry is wanting to go to Vandy ED so maybe I will get to see you in the near future! Miss you!
Sherri Cheney - Linsey, your openness and vulnerability is refreshing. The way you express yourself is both tender and courageous. Your pursuit in following Christ is an encouragement to me. I have been on my own journey of life recovery and transformation for the last 3 years. No more games. I have worn many masks, many at the same time. What will please the one I am with? What should I be to gain love, approval or acceptance? How lost I’ve been in my own head and heart… it has kept me from being present with those I am love and not being (or knowing) who God created me to be or using the gifts He gave me. Thank you for sharing your story. I am better by knowing I am not alone. Sending warm hugs to you my blog friend!
Lisa - I’ve so missed you. I checked often for an update. I’m excited to read your next post.
Bless you.
Lisa from Indiana
Lexi - So glad to see you are in a place of growth and light. The truth can’t hide in the light. I know your story will help so many others and your courage for telling it is amazing. Thank you for sharing your heart with us Linsey. ❤️
Jamie - Hi there 🙂 I keep checking in to see if you have posted a new post. Praying for you as you work on your story.