Writing in the Sand

You know you’re a writer when…

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…your favorite thing about the beach is writing in the sand.

Writing has always been therapeutic for me, but there’s something especially satisfying about carving letters into wet sand…just close enough to the water’s edge for you to know the slate will be washed clean in minutes, and you can start all over again.

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Sometimes I doodle…

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…but mostly it’s just words.

Things stirring in my heart, words from God, or a song I’m singing.

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Words are a glimpse into the heart that holds them…

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…and to see a heart revealed is a gift to behold.

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Sometimes when you write a simple word, you see something for the first time:

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Beloved…be loved.

The last time I was scrawling my heart into the sand was two years ago. I wasn’t so much on a vacation as I was in a lost middle place. We didn’t plan to go to the beach in the middle of the move, but when we realized it was cheaper to go to the beach than to lease back our Houston house, we went for it. I remember feeling like I was in an emotional coma. I mostly just sat and stared at the ocean…believing that we were supposed to follow this Franklin dream, but aching over the emotional cost of it all. And yet too numb to cry.

I remember not wanting to the leave the beach two years ago…not because I’m crazy in love with the beach {my fair skin has its limits!}, but because I was terrified to head toward our new hometown. I was reeling from all the emotions of leaving and the lack of closure in the only hometown I had ever known. How would I ever be ready to embrace a new hometown? {Thankfully, I found my voice in the midst of the pain and learned how to hold beauty and brokenness together in my heart.}

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Fast forward two years to this beach trip, and I can honestly say I was ready to leave the beach and return HOME to the farm! The beach is nice, but a homebody is always happiest at home. And the farm now feels like home.

Sometimes you have to leave home to learn how much you love it. This time last year, I was swinging in the barn hammock day after day wishing we could go to the beach. I knew Franklin was where we were supposed to be, but all those Facebook vacation photos made me think we were the only ones stuck at home. And when you feel stuck, it’s hard to love where you are at the moment. {Don’t get me started on social media. I can go from happy to connect with an old friend to ditching the whole deal in a heartbeat!}

But in some ways, we were stuck. We didn’t have a paycheck the first year we were here…because we’re those crazy people who moved without a job…who left it all behind in Houston. But God…He doesn’t miss a thing. Two years later, my husband’s clinic schedule is full! Considering it took at least five years for that to happen in Houston, a huge city where we had lots of connections, I consider a full schedule in two years here to be a minor miracle! All that to say, I was beaming with gratitude about being able to go to the beach this year, but was happy to feel like Franklin was home when our week ended…instead of digging my heels in the sand and wishing we could stay.

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I think it’s safe to say I’m more of a farmgirl than a beach girl. My fair skin can only handle so much sun, and if I’m being really honest, all those tanned, toned and half-naked bodies make me feel like a fish out of water in a swimsuit. {I wear swim skirts, sun shirts, baseball caps…all kinds of cover ups!} But God had something for me in this place. On one of the last days, I took a long walk on the beach from our quiet little town of Grayton to the hot spots of Watercolor and Seaside. There were lots of mamas, but few signs of pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding. Where were the saggy boobs, stretch marks, loose skin and cellulite? Who gets to have a perfect body and children? I wanted to walk really fast so I could avoid my own insecurity, or worse, my judgment of the bikini-clad mamas, but the Lord slowed me way down. And with just a wee bit of openness in my heart {Jesus, what’s going on here? What am I believing about beauty right now?}, the Lord spoke truth. I came back from that walk with these words etched into my heart, and I think they might be for you, too:

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I’d love to unpack these words in a future post someday, but for now, they’re just simple words that I’m calling truth and choosing to believe.

You, my friends, bear a unique and particular beauty.

Be BRAVE with that beauty of yours!