Feasting At The Table In My Brand New Boots

Hello brave and beautiful ones! Oh, how I’ve missed writing and being here with you! Since words are like the air I breathe, it’s almost as if I’ve been holding my breath for weeks. No telling what will come out as I exhale deeply today! How about we just sit down with a warm cup of something and talk until the sun sets? {Ha! Knowing me, I’d keep you well past sunset, and our warm mugs would turn into wine glasses!}

As I sit here wondering where to go with my words today, my mind is racing flip book style through all the beauty and brokenness {aka “wholeheartedness”} of the last 30 days…wondering which moment to stop and share with you. I’m aware of laughter and tears, playfulness and tension, old wounds and new healing…and then THIS: a story of feasting at the table…in my brand new boots! 

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This story is lavish! But first, a little backdrop:

One of my healing journeys with God in the last several months {years?} has centered around His love for me. Oh, I know He loves me. When I heard about God’s love at Camp Ozark the summer after 6th grade, I ran into His arms and never looked back. I spent the next few decades learning all I could about God’s love. Little did I know, in the quest for more and more knowledge, I built a theological fortress around my heart that masked my struggle to feel deeply, unconditionally loved. {It’s been said that the longest distance in the world is from the head to the heart. So true!}

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As I’ve asked God to help me receive more of His love and to show me what’s in the way, He’s been faithful to reveal all kinds of things in all sorts of ways. He’s taken me to places in childhood, friendship and marriage…places where I’ve worked to earn love and struggled to receive love. And as we journey through these tender places together, it’s as if my “love receiver” is being repaired along the way.

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Recently, God gave me a picture: I was tiny as a mouse, gathering crumbs under the table instead of accepting my invitation to the feast as a daughter of the King. I hovered over my little pile of crumbs, hoping I had enough to get by until the next ones fell. I was convinced I was worthy of crumbs when the King says I’m worthy of a seat at His table. {The chorus in Needtobreathe’s Slumber puts part of what I’m trying to explain into song. Worth a listen.}

I’ve scavenged beneath all sorts of tables. I’ve gathered crumbs and called it a feast. I’ve tried to perform and please my way to the table. All the while missing the kind of love my heart was meant to enjoy. As God brought this to my attention with all of His tenderness and love, my heart was beautifully broken, and all those broken, cracked places became perfect openings for God’s love to pour in. On September 21, after falling on my face in tears, I wrote these words in my journal:

Today, Lord, I take my seat at your table. I come to feast on your love instead of waiting desperately for a crumb to fall. I choose to receive Your love, with Your help, instead of searching for love {or some sad substitute for love} in places where it isn’t likely to be found. I am ready, Lord.

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Now listen to the crazy, lavish thing that happened the very next day.

I had just finished a good, honest, heart inside out counseling session in Nashville. Normally, I just return to the farm in Franklin. But on this day, I had a pair of boots in my car that needed to go back to the Lucchese store in Nashville…just a few minutes away from my counselor’s office.

{Note: I wear my Texas Lucchese boots like most women wear yoga pants! Part of my go-to uniform…long before I was a farmgirl.}

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Back in January, my husband spoiled me with some fancy birthday boots. I never told you about them because they just felt so over the top. But as good looking as they were, they never felt quite right on my feet. {My old Luccheses fit like a glove.} So all these months later, I finally worked up the courage to go back to the store and let them know. Of course they remembered me and were happy to help. I was embarrassed that it took me so long and was afraid to ask for much.

I was shocked by their response to my dilemma: “Trade them for any pair in the store. We want you to love your boots.” Really? I just thought they’d modify this pair. They didn’t have my size in the same style, so I asked for help finding another. Should I just get a pair of everyday brown boots? I had a great pair that I wore with everything, but when Lucchese reconditioned them a few months ago, they came back a dark chocolate brown. They look brand new, but a little too elegant for my everyday uniform: jeans and a tshirt.

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When they saw how dark my reconditioned boots were {I was wearing them that day}, they agreed a casual, lighter brown was a good idea. The general manger pulled a classic brown boot off the shelf and said:

GM: What if I give you these?

Me: Um, wow! Sure! Those are great.

GM: What size?

Me: I’m an 8.

GM: Perfect! These are an 8.

Me: Okay, wow. So you’re giving me these boots in place of the ones I’m returning?

GM: No, you can have these in place of the ones you’re wearing.

Me: But what about the ones I’m wearing?

GM: You can keep those, too.

Me: And what about the ones I’m returning?

GM: You can pick out another pair to replace them.

Me: Wait. So I’m going to walk out of here with two new pairs of boots?!?! And one of those is free?!?! Plus I get to keep the ones I’m wearing?!?!

GM: Yes.

Me: {No words. Just tears of gratitude as I partook of the feat set before me: extraordinary kindness, unexpected generosity and lavish love.}

JESUS!!! I just asked you to help me receive your love and THIS is how you lavish it upon me?!?! In the form of my favorite boots?!?!

I know the free gift of handmade Lucchese boots may not feel like love to you, but whatever speaks lavishly to your heart, I know Jesus is eager to give it. And not just one time, but over and over again…in all kinds of different, creative ways!

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We have a place at the King’s table. It’s not like we have a one-time invitation, or a last minute invitation that will quickly be filled by another if we don’t grab it. We have an ongoing, every single day of our lives invitation to be outrageously loved! We get to lean into Jesus with all the longings of our hearts and find complete satisfaction and love overflowing as we sit next to Him and receive what He has for us.

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Two pairs of boots. That was my love feast a few weeks ago. Sometimes, it’s a double rainbow. Or a daffodil bursting through barren ground. {It’s so often beauty related for me.} Whatever your heart needs to feel like you’re sitting at the table, feasting on God’s lavish love, I pray you’ll receive it! Are you ready?!?!

With love and great joy,

P.S. Need someone to speak God’s love over you? Try closing your eyes and listening to “Inheritance” today. {Thanks for sending it my way, Morgan. I’m still listening all these months later!}