I’ve Hit My Winter Wall

I’m back with another winter revelation: February kicks my tail every time. It’s when I hit my winter wall and feel like the gray, wet blanket is just too oppressive to sit under any longer. It’s when I crave sunshine like most women crave chocolate, new shoes, redecorating…or whatever women crave. I’ve forgotten because I just need sun. It’s when no amount of vitamin D or even a trip to Mexico can fill the void. Seasonal Affect Disorder is for real y’all! And so is my need for a new season. Huge revelations, right?!?! I’m on a roll of brilliant discoveries these days!

PINIT

Note to self: don’t make any major decisions in February. Don’t sell the farm and move back to Texas in February. Don’t give all your animals away and move to a perfectly manicured neighborhood. Don’t give up on the light just because you can’t see the sun. Just put your boots on and look for those daffodils to start popping! Because they will burst forth out of barrenness, just as sure as the sun will break through this low hanging gray sky.

PINIT

You’d think that four Februaries at Vanderbilt would’ve prepared me for this part of our move. Even 20+ years ago, it was gray as all get out this time of year. Funny how you forget the hard parts. I like to think that’s God’s grace to us. {Kind of like the pain of childbirth. If you remembered it, you’d never do it again!} I remember dreaming of a transfer to the University of Texas every February…until my senior year when a Texas Aggie proposed on Valentine’s and made the sun shine on the dreariest of days. {Ha! Talk about a major decision made in February! I’d make that one again and again.}

PINIT

PINIT

When you live in Texas, March means full out spring. Azaleas, bright green live oaks, frozen margaritas and outdoor patios. So when March rolls around in Middle Tennessee, and you’re bracing for another winter storm, spring feels pretty far away. We all know spring is coming, just as we know the sun will rise. But it requires some serious faith to believe that all of creation is about to burst at the seams when you look out the window and see all the markings of winter. This is where you have to lean hard on faith: believing what you cannot see.

PINIT

PINIT

This is also when you have to fight to see beauty in barrenness. Sometimes that means bending low on the grayest of days…straining to see signs of new life. And then lean hard on faith again…believing that there are signs of new life in you, too. Even now…in places where you can’t quite feel it or see it fully. New life is springing up in you each day that you rise. Will you say yes to new life? Will you dare to believe that God is doing a new thing?

PINIT

PINIT

In the last few weeks of February, I fell a littler deeper into the winter pit than I’d like to admit. I felt sad and lonely more days than not. Too much alone time. But hey…if revelation and admission are half the battle, then I’m halfway out of the dark just by telling the truth! That’s worth celebrating, don’t you think? I think I’ll sit by the fire and have an Old Fashioned tonight just to honor the goodness of truth telling! This is where healing begins: with the truth.

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The truth for me at this very moment is that I need to get out of my PJs and go connect with someone in real life. Too many days holed up in my winter shell…well, we know what that does. “It’s not good for man to be alone.” I think I’ll take God’s word for it today!

And as for the winter storm, I’m over it.

I’m looking for you, Spring! I will find you, Beauty!

 

 

P.S. Need a redeeming song of winter beauty? This one is a gift.