Hello Bravehearted Beauties. I have some sad news: we had to say goodbye to one of our beloved barn kitties on Friday. Sweet Boaz. He added so much love to our farm and family. He was was part of a three kitty rescue operation two summers ago. He was snuggly from day one. A total lover. And when Aslan joined the farm, he and Boaz became best buddies.
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This time, Boaz can’t play. Aslan says goodbye.
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We found him under the bushes on Thursday evening and knew he wasn’t well. A very sudden sickness and decline. We wanted to believe in healing and asked God for a miracle. Lord knows we’ve experienced enough heartbreaking loss on the farm. I wanted to see Boaz restored and batting his paws at Aslan’s nose. I wanted to see him curled up with the other two at my back door in the morning. I wanted him to rub up against my leg and purr his little heart out.
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I’ve never prayed for a cat before. And honestly never imagined I would. Because I wasn’t an animal person. And do you know why? Yes, there was the mess, but there was something even deeper: I didn’t want to risk loving something I could so easily lose. I didn’t want to risk having my heart broken. I didn’t want to give my heart away to someone or something that wouldn’t stay around long. I didn’t want to be vulnerable and broken by love. Remember the C.S. Lewis quote I shared after losing Lavender?
On Friday morning, I was vulnerable. I gave Boaz all of my love and prayed for him to be miraculously healed. I felt a little crazy. And hopeful. And strangely okay with putting my hope and heart on the line for a cat. I even dared to ask some friends to join me in praying and believing that God could work a cat miracle that morning.
And only an hour after putting my whole heart on the line, Boaz took a turn for the worse. I kept praying. And believing. And secretly wondering what would happen to my heart if he didn’t make it…if God didn’t come through with the miracle I was asking of Him.
But God. He’s always doing more than I can ask or imagine. {Ephesians 3:20} As I drove back to the farm without a healthy, healed kitty, my heart was sad. Because I loved that sweet barn kitty. And that’s when it hit me: maybe the miracle God was doing wasn’t the one I asked for. So I asked God to show me, because with all the asking, I believed a miracle was happening. Here’s what I shared next:
And you know what? I meant it. I’ll take it. I don’t want my old, safe heart back. I like this new and vulnerable heart God has grown in me…even though it hurts sometimes. So yes, I’m brokenhearted over another loss, but I’m thankful for the way God used Boaz to expand my heart’s capacity to love and be loved. It’s a miracle that I rescued, loved and grieved a cat. It’s a miracle that I risked my heart in love and dared to let my heart to be broken.
{So thankful for this photo, Paige!}
And if all of that weren’t miraculous enough, I surrendered to the mess of love a little more when I got home from the vet. I walked out into the pasture and let a shedding, skunk-sprayed Buddy rub all over me. I let him love me…mess and all.
A few more favorite Boaz shots:
I wish you could peer inside my heart and see how much it’s grown. Because if you could really see that, I think you’d know that a miracle has happened. I wanted God to show off by healing a cat, but the truth is, He’s showing off by healing my heart.
Thanks to all the beauty and the brokenness, I’ll never be the same. And that, my friends, is why we can embrace the broken places. Because they change us and make room for deeper, more beautiful things than ever existed before.
Believing in the beauty of it all,
Suzanne - Linsey- I am so very sorry for your family’s loss of sweet Boaz. Our pets are so precious to us, and I share in your sadness. It is true that to love is to be vulnerable and it is to worth it. We lost our sweet puppy Lucy to cancer this year and she was merely two years old. It is amazing how much joy and love animals can bring to our hearts, and yes they get broken in the process. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. I will be praying for God’s love to comfort your family during this difficult and sad time. Bless you!
Bravehearted Beauty - Thank you, Suzanne. I can tell that you know this kind of vulnerability well having lost a young pup to cancer. I’m so sorry.
Suzanne - Oops- It is true that to love is to be vulnerable and it is SO worth it!
Amy Avery - Linsey, I am so very sorry for your loss of sweet Boaz. I want to thank you for sharing this story of how God used one of his beloved creations to help open up your heart further to love. Thank you for being vulnerable and for allowing us to see God’s light and love shine through. You are in my prayers for peace and comfort. I hope you don’t mind if I share this post with others.
Bravehearted Beauty - Thank you, Amy. Sometimes I wonder why I can’t just share photos and a few words, but it always seems like God has a story…things He wants to speak though whatever is going on at the surface. He’s always up to so much MORE.
Rie - My heart goes out to you. I’ve held so many of my own in my arms as they took their last breath. Irving Townsend wrote: “We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own live within a fragile circle…”.
And I’d add that we are better for it. Welcome to that circle, Linsey. You belong here.
Bravehearted Beauty - “You belong here.” What a sweet thing to say. Made my heart smile. 🙂
Kathryn - And I hope Aslan will be comforted. Beautiful post.
Becky Mullowney - What an awesome post in memory of Boaz and praise to our God for working in His mysterious ways! We found out the hard way a few years ago…the best way to get rid of skunk smell on animals is to bathe them in betadine. Cuts the smell immediately. Thanks for sharing your heart and all of your animals with us!
Bravehearted Beauty - I’ve heard several tricks to get rid of the smell, but they won’t let me come near them with any kind of spray. I know it sounds crazy to those who have indoor dogs (I have one of those, too), but you’re not supposed to bathe this kind of dog. They produce their own natural oils that repel things better than any bath. But the skunk smell stays around for weeks!
Sherry - I am so sorry for your loss. I just love all of God’s critters and it is so sad to hear this. This is a beautiful story and pictures too and I thank you for the beautiful message!
Maritza - Wow. This hit me where it needed to. Praise God for experiences of others that encourage and comfort. My sweet kitty Kainah has been missing for 2.5 weeks. I have prayed to God about this, asking for his safe return. But God impressed me that whenever I thought about my cat I should pray for a friend of mine who is lost spiritually, left her family, and using prescription drugs. Let’s just say the past couple of weeks I have prayed a lot more for my friend as I think of Kainah often. Well today I went to prayer meeting and found out that my friend is back home this week!!! This is miraculous as she has been gone for months. Kainah is still not back yet. But got used my lost kitty to prompt me to pray for His lost kitty, my friend. I love how you have so many beautiful pictures of Boaz. Documentation of life through pictures is so important. Thank you for sharing.
Bravehearted Beauty - Thank YOU, Maritza, for sharing your story here. God is always up to more than we can see.
Beauty Emerged From Broken » Bravehearted Beauty - […] the same day that I said goodbye to Boaz, I showed up for the school talent show, and this is the song she sang. It was my first time to […]