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“Arise, come, my darling;
my beautiful one, come with me . . . .
show me your face, let me hear your voice;
for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.”
(Song of Solomon 2:13-14)
What a stunning invitation and identity you have today, Bravehearted Beauties! My Darling. My Beautiful One. Can you believe this is how the God of the universe speaks to you? Can you believe that He would invite you to come away with Him? Can you believe He calls your voice sweet and your face lovely? Can you believe He wants to spend His time just hearing your voice and gazing upon your beauty? Talk about an intimate encounter!
How does your heart respond to such intimacy and affection? Can you receive the affection? Are you comfortable with the intimacy? Can you turn your face toward a loving gaze and hold it for a while? If yes, then I rejoice with you. What goodness! If no, I relate to you. And I’d love to help uncover some things that are in the way of receiving the love and delight you’re meant to enjoy.
If thinking about God in such an intimate way is a challenge for you, consider how you respond to love and intimacy in human relationships. That’s a pretty good indication for what we’re capable of experiencing with God. How we love and receive love and affection from others is an indication of how we love and receive love and affection from God. We don’t get to bypass our humanity or escape our wiring for relational intimacy by skipping over others and jumping straight to God.
What we feel in our physical bodies in the presence of love and intimacy can also give us some helpful clues about how we respond to it or receive it. Try reading God’s words above a second time, slowly, maybe out loud or in a gentle whisper, and notice what your body wants to do. Do you want to look toward or look away? Do you want to move toward or move away? Are you relaxed or are you tense? Are you breathing deeply or holding your breath?
For most of my life, I’ve been the girl who looks away, moves away, tenses up and holds my breath. I’m not one who leans into love and easily receives it. Sometimes I feel my body pulling away inside even as I’m leaning in for a hug on the outside. {That discovery has taken years to uncover and articulate, but I’ve felt it for as long as I can remember.} I thought maybe I was just wired that way. I convinced myself I wasn’t the “touchy-feely” type and that was fine. And while that explanation worked for awhile, it doesn’t make sense based on what science and God’s Word tell us is true: we are wired for intimacy…we are wired for love. And not just love as head knowledge, but love as touch, connection, attachment and affection…love as an experience. We need love as an experience to thrive. {Think of the studies with newborn babies who receive touch vs. those who don’t. The ones who don’t receive touch fail to thrive. Such a sad study!}
When we struggle to receive and believe we are loved, it’s not because something is wrong with us or because of some faulty wiring in our core being. It’s because things have happened in our story that have caused a rewiring. {Trauma does this. It literally causes our brains to change.} Or sometimes it’s not because of trauma in our own story, but in the stories that lead up to our story. The wounds of unhealed stories can be passed down for generations, and new wounds are added, compounding the lies and distorting truth of who we are. {There’s a saying: “Hurt people hurt people.” It’s so true.} So what can we do? What if we find ourselves unable to experience love in an intimate way? What if we want to believe the words God and others speak over us, that we are beautiful, a delight, a crown of splendor, but words of truth and love keep rolling off our hearts like water off a duck’s back?
One thing we can do is enter into our stories. It’s one of the bravest things you can do. I highly recommend a counselor for this. One who values the healing power of stories. And if not a counselor, a story guide, spiritual director or someone who is trained in story work. Another option is a therapy group that invites you into your story and helps you process it in a safe environment. Safety is key. Processing our stories with people who haven’t processed their own can be risky business. People who haven’t entered into their own stories and found beauty in their brokenness may not be the safest place for your story. At least not at first.
I’m 21 months into my current counseling journey, I’m in a story group, I’ve been in a spiritual direction group, and I have a few friends who are safe places for my heart. But even with all of that, the most powerful healing and transformation I’ve ever experienced has come through intimate encounters with God. Healing has come through reading words like the ones He speaks above and noticing where I struggle to receive or believe it. It’s come through asking God to reveal what I’m believing about myself, about Him, and about others. It’s come by asking God to replace the lies with the truth. It’s come through asking God to show me where in my story I began to believe the lies. And the most powerful healing of all: inviting Jesus into specific places of wounding in my story. {This is what many refer to as “inner healing” prayer.}
Oh, friends. This is where I could write a good, long book. When we invite God into a specific memory or theme in our story, healing happens. When you give Him access to your heart, mind, memories and story, He brings things you didn’t even know you needed. He may speak to you, hold you, sit by your side, comfort you, care for you, fight for you…He knows exactly what your heart needs in that moment and loves to give it to you. His presence in the memory doesn’t change the event, but it transforms your interpretation and brings truth to the lies you believed as a result of that event.
When I first started inviting Jesus into memories, I thought I had to stick to the memories connected with the ages that I’ve known the Lord. How on earth could I invite Jesus into a memory at an age where I had no clue of His existence? How on earth could He show up for me in those places? Well, I don’t know how He does it, but He shows up. I didn’t grow up knowing Jesus, but He knew me growing up. And He knows exactly what my little girl heart needs to know, needs to hear, needs to say, needs to feel.
If you’ve never experienced this kind of intimacy with God, it may sound a little freaky. Especially if you have intimacy issues. That was me. I didn’t think He’d do for me what I heard He was doing for others. And frankly, I wasn’t sure if I wanted Him to. But after awhile, the desire to believe what God says about me – that I am His darling, His delight, His beautiful one, His crown, His beloved, His Bravehearted Beauty – led me to risk whatever it took to receive those words of intimacy and identity deep down into my soul and story. And friends, it’s happening! For real. I hope I get to spend the rest of my life helping Bravehearted Beauties like you believe that what God says about you is true. Really true. I’m wiling to do whatever it takes to remove the obstacles, expose the lies, speak the truth in love…all so that you can experience the intimacy and identity that God intends for you.
Now back to the invitation to come away with the One who calls you Beautiful. What might going away with Him look like for you today? For me, it looks like going away to a retreat in Colorado. I leave Wednesday and return late Sunday, and even though I’ve always said I’m not a retreat girl, I can’t wait to spend this time with God! For you, it might look like closing your eyes or turning away from this screen right now and asking God to capture your attention. Maybe He wants to direct your gaze toward a particular place of beauty outside your window. Maybe He wants to whisper something to your heart through all of these words you’ve just read. Maybe He just wants to sit with you, right where you are, and give you freedom to do absolutely nothing in His presence. All I know for sure is that He wants to be with you. His desire is for you.
You are His darling, His beautiful one. Your voice is sweet and your face is lovely.
So much love to you,
P.S. If you’d like to listen to a powerful conversation on healing your wounds and restoring your heart, I invite you to tune into John Eldredge and Dan Allender HERE. In the second half of the conversation, Dan Allender, a PhD, skilled counselor and master storyteller, shares the healing He received when Jesus entered into a painful place in His story {the loss of his father as a young boy}. He describes it as one of the most important hours in his entire life. That’s saying a lot for a man who’s dedicated his life to healing!
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You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord’s hand . . . .
No more will anyone call you Rejected . . . .
you’ll be called My Delight!
(Isaiah 62:3-4)
These words have been speaking to my heart all week. At first, it was the word crown that caught my attention. I love crowns and have been collecting them for years. They’re displayed around my house as a daily reminder of my truest identity. I am a daughter of the King. And so are you.
But then there’s the word rejected. Contrasted by the word delight. Do I believe it? Do I believe that I am His delight? Or do I more often believe I am rejected?
We come to believe all kinds of things about ourselves though our story…the things that happen to us, the things that are spoken over us, the things we choose or don’t choose in life. Some of the things we come to believe about ourselves are good and true. Other things…not so true. In fact, we can believe all kinds of lies about ourselves without even knowing it.
Lies enter our stories through places of wounding, and one of the deepest core wounds of anyone’s story is rejection. It seems that we’re either experiencing it or fearing it at any given time. No matter how hard we try, we can’t prevent it. Whether it comes to you in the womb, early childhood, college or career…through friendships, family, romantic interests, church or community, it will come.
Even Jesus knew rejection. He was hated and rejected to death. Literally. But he didn’t let the rejection or even the pain of it define him. Rejection was his experience, but it wasn’t his identity. And that makes all the difference. What we believe determines how we live. “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 27:3). A huge part of our belief system is rooted in identity. Our wounds tell us one thing, but God tells us another. Which will we choose to believe?
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When our wounds tell us we are rejected, and we choose to live out of that identity, we go into deep hiding from God, others and even ourselves. We hide what our wounds have told us are our “rejectable” parts and present only the parts of ourselves that we think can be loved and accepted. {Read Hiding From Love if you want to dig deeper into the discovery and healing of your hiding patterns.}
But even our “acceptable” parts aren’t enough to keep us from experiencing further rejection. And over time, despite all of our performing and preventing, our core identity takes a hit. To the point that we begin to lose and even hate ourselves. And because self-hatred likes to stay hidden, you may not even realize it’s there. Over time, self-hatred and self-contempt form like callouses around the rejection wound, and our hearts harden to the truth of who we are.
But in God’s story, rejected isn’t your identity. As true as the lies can feel at times, the enemy’s rejection arrows don’t stand a chance against the truth and love of God! In Christ, your identity is fully established: a daughter of the King is accepted, chosen, wanted and worthy of love and delight.
Oh, Bravehearted Beauties, will you dare to believe that you are a delight today? When those rejection arrows fly, will you dare to see yourself as He sees you…a stunning crown in the hand of God?
Delighted in by the King,
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Hello Bravehearted Beauties! Has it really been two weeks since I’ve sat down with you? Hard to believe considering all the posts I’ve written in my head over the last few weeks! If I could download my brain on any given day, I’m pretty sure the words would stretch from here to Texas. And during this season of healing…double that!
I’m 11 weeks into this broken ankle recovery and am finally walking with only a small brace. I look almost normal, but the pain, swelling and stiffness are daily reminders that more time, therapy and ice packs are needed. My doctor says it’s a four month recovery at best. I’d pay him big bucks if he could say the same for my heart! {Wink!}
In the last 11 weeks, I’ve discovered countless parallels between physical healing and emotional healing. Unfortunately, a timeline isn’t one of them. Heart healing happens on its own time. There’s no clear end, precise protocol or predictable trajectory. No wonder heart healing can be such a pain! But here’s what I’ve learned about both the body and the heart through physical therapy in the last few weeks: there comes a point when you have to push through the pain to get to the healing.
Here’s the deal: I want to walk. And not just well enough to go grocery shopping or make a Target run. I want to hike. I want abundant life! I want to follow a trail through the fall woods, scramble up and down the hills, and hear the leaves crunching beneath my feet. I want to hunt for God’s love and glory all along the way!
{Remember this heart leaf I found last fall?}
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But to walk in a way that allows me to enjoy life and beauty to the full, I have to do the work and push through the pain of therapeutic exercises. When my physical therapist gave me a new exercise last week, I couldn’t do it. Not only because it hurt, but because my ankle wouldn’t flex or bend enough to let me step down. I was frustrated. Was it mental? No. My ligaments, tendons and surrounding tissue are still healing. My range of motion is limited. But as my therapist reminded me, the pain of the exercises isn’t going to cause further harm. It’s going to bring healing. But if I avoid my therapy just because it hurts, I’ll be stuck with a limited range of motion.
And so it is with heart healing. If you avoid, ignore or refuse to press into the wounded, painful parts of your story, you’ll be stuck with a limited range of emotion.
I spent most of my life thinking a limited range of emotion was a good thing. Too much emotion scared me. Too much of anything felt out of control, unstable, unpredictable and unwanted. So I learned to control my emotions. {And worked hard to control my life.} I wasn’t a cryer and was proud of it. {In a house full of females, I think my dad was relieved!}
But over time, I’ve learned that a limited range of emotions isn’t the way I want to live. I’m not even sure you can really call that living. I don’t want to shove down the tears and ignore the pain anymore. Why? Because I’ve learned that our capacity to feel joy is directly related to our capacity to feel pain. And I want the joy! I want to laugh…and I want to cry. Learning to embrace opposing emotions has been one of the biggest breakthroughs in my healing journey over the last few years. I’ll never go back to being the girl who doesn’t cry. I want to live life with my whole heart!
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Here’s one thing I know about pushing through pain: you need a helper. You need someone who knows the way of healing. Someone who knows the difference between pressing into pain that brings healing vs. forcing something that will result in further harm. Someone who can see your pain and can sit with you in it, but doesn’t see it as your identity or your permanent place.
Sometimes you need a professional helper {doctor, counselor, therapist}, and sometimes you need a friend {one who’s entered into her own pain and isn’t afraid of yours}. And then there’s the best helper I know: the Holy Spirit. God is no stranger to pain, and by the presence of the Holy Spirit, He can enter right into your most painful memories or current situations with real power to heal. I can hardly believe all that He’s healed in me in the last 11 weeks! The broken bone is almost secondary compared to the deeper healing work God has been doing in my story. SO GOOD.
So whether you’re in need of physical healing or emotional healing, I think you have to ask yourself: am I willing to push through some pain to get to the healing? Do I want that deeper joy that comes with facing my deeper pain? Do I want the full range of (e)motion that God intended for me to enjoy? If the answer is yes, I think you’ll discover so much beauty in your brokenness.
Wishing you deep joy and a brave heart today,
Hello Beauties! I hope you enjoyed your long weekend. Don’t you wish three-day weekends were the norm? I sure do! I was feeling a little sad to miss out on a trip to Midcoast Maine over the Labor Day, but even after eight weeks of healing, my ankle wasn’t ready for boating, island hopping and heart rock hunting. I think this was the first summer I’ve missed in over twenty years. But I made up for it by creating a little comfort and beauty here at home!
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It’s been a long time coming! I first admired this porch swing at the Southern Living idea house back in 2013. {Funny that I was invited as a design blogger! I never really saw myself as one because of all the deeper heart things I shared, but beauty expressed through interior design has always inspired me.} Initially, I had my heart set on one of those awesome porch swing beds. But at the end of the day, I didn’t want to spend a fortune and didn’t want to make any of the design decisions required for custom work. {Decision making and depression don’t go well together!}
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Fast forward almost two years, and I was finally ready to pull the trigger on the “Sunday Porch Swing” from Ballard Designs. The $200 savings in April plus the fact that it comes with its own cushions finally convinced me. {Though I doubt these cushions will stay clean. I wish they were removable and washable like every other piece of furniture I own!} I love the way the Southern Living team wrapped the chains with rope. I may get around to that in a few years! Ha!
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{2013 Southern Living house.}
My handy husband assembled the swing, but threw a white flag on hanging it. Too many other farm duties that require his muscle power. So I had to find a handyman. Well, that took me another three months. And then, I broke my ankle the day after I contacted the handyman, so another eight weeks. That’s about how my design pace rolls these days. It’s almost comical! {I’m not telling you about the light fixture I finally selected for a hallway after three years of living with a bulb dangling down from the ceiling!}
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I tried to pace myself and took lots of breaks, but my ankle is pretty sore and swollen after sweeping the porch, laying down the rug, hanging the sign, and stealing the pillows from other areas of our home. I’ve had all of these items for a long time in anticipation of the porch swing, which means they’re all out of stock by now, so sources wouldn’t be helpful at this point. Nothing like a timely design post! {Another reason why I’ve never aspired to be a design blogger.}
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But to sit out here today {under a fan since it’s still pretty toasty outside} makes it all worth it. And over time, I’m sure all the time spent in this spot will make up for what I missed in Maine. Maybe I’ll place a few heart rocks on a nearby table. {I wonder how long it will take me to unpack the little table? Any bets?}
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{My once indoor console…awaiting the hanging of a clock above it.}
Oh, one decorative contribution my husband made to the porch: gin, whiskey and bourbon bottles-turned-candles. It’s like a Pinterest project for guys! All his idea. I don’t think I can reveal how many of these bottles we went through in three years. Lots of sharing people! Lots of sharing! Okay, and some coping. But lots of sharing!
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As for the rest of the porch, it’s pretty much the same since the day we set it up three years ago. {You can see that post here.} Once I get everything the way I like it {though lots of overthinking}, I don’t change it up very much. A new rug or pillow as needed….and an added accessory or two. But rearranging has never been my thing. Actually, change has never been my thing.
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But today, I’m actually craving a change. I’m ready for a new season. And by the fluttering and rustling of leaves on our country road today, I’m thinking that new season is coming real soon!
Bring on the beauty!
P.S. For whatever it’s worth to those of you wondering how to decorate a screen porch, my advice is to view it as a continuation of your interior style. You can go more rustic on the outside {rougher wood and rusty metal}, but stick to the same style inside and out for a seamless feel. However, if you’re dying to change your interior style but don’t have the time or money, creating the look you desire on a porch could be an inspiring, affordable place to start.
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Hello Beauties! So much for getting back to the video last week! At this point, I don’t even know what I was planning to say. It changes day to day. Some days I feel chatty and ready to spill my heart out…other days, I just feel quiet. Over the last seven weeks, I’ve felt mostly quiet. It’s been a slow season, a deep healing season, a tear-filled season, a lonely season…and as I suspected, it’s been about a whole lot more than the healing of a broken bone.
But through it all, I’ve known the presence of God more intimately than any other season I can recall. I may be quiet, but He’s not! I hardly know what to do with all that He’s speaking. Do I write it? Do I speak it? Or do I just treasure it in my heart? All of the above, I’m guessing…different things at different times.
But today, on this first day of September, I feel like there’s a whisper He wants me to share “out loud” with you. In a nutshell, it’s this: presence over productivity.
For many of us, back-to-school season represents a kick in the pants, whether you have kids or not. There’s a palpable shift in pace this time of year, especially for women. Some of us give ourselves grace until after Labor Day, but then it’s time to kick it into high gear…before you fall too far behind and fear you’ll never catch up.
Sound familiar? For some of us, we don’t even know we’re doing it. But all of a sudden, we feel this pressure to knock out to-do lists, ramp up the exercise routine, clean up the signs of summer around the house, organize the stacks and piles, sign up for everything under the sun, and run the kids all over town for every kind of sport and activity known to man. Without even slowing to ponder if all of this is needed, we jump in with the masses and run the race we think is required of us. For awhile, this fast pace of productivity and busyness feels good…and looks good, too. Until you realize you can’t run like that anymore.
But as soon as you jump off the treadmill to catch your breath, you notice that everyone else is still running. And here you are, not moving at all. You feel both taunted and paralyzed by productivity’s lure. Sometimes paralysis wins, and now all you can see is another day without much to show for it. It’s so easy to look at how productive everyone else appears to be during this fresh new season, and to shame ourselves for not getting things done.
I bet you can guess which camp I might fall into with a broken ankle. Yep, shame. I’d rather call it frustration because shame sounds so…you know, shameful. But let’s call it what it is. That’s our only hope for healing…to tell the truth about ourselves to God and others…and to let them tell the truth back to us.
The truth is, there are things I want to be doing…ways I want to be productive. For starters, I’d like to wash the slipcovers…especially the one I camped out on for five weeks straight. And I’d like to move my body so I can lose the pounds I gained while lying on the couch. {God, help me love myself if those pounds are here to stay.} I’d love to declutter all the signs of summer that are stacked and piled in every part of my house. Or even better, I’d love to say I used all this down time to do something incredible…like write a book!
The truth is, all of those desires are really fine and good. Productivity feels good. Sitting on the couch every day does not. But when we feel like we have to do something in order to feel good about ourselves or should do something in order to avoid feeling bad about ourselves, productivity can become a merciless slave driver. What began as a good desire can quickly become a demand. And when we’re not meeting that demand, shame can creep in faster than a fox can steal a chicken! {There’s the farmgirl talking!}
But then there’s God’s truth…the goodness He speaks back to us no matter which end of the productivity spectrum we find ourselves in today. I love your presence. I value your presence. I look forward to your presence. If all you do today is spend time with me, that’s more than enough. Your presence here with Me is the only thing that’s needed today.
How hard is that to believe? Presence is the only thing that’s needed? Really? But isn’t productivity what makes the world go round? Doesn’t someone have to get things done? Wouldn’t the family fall apart if a mama sat on a couch all day and did nothing?
And God tenderly whispers, “Not if that mama is spending the time in my presence.”
And just in case you think I’m making this stuff up, God’s whispers to our hearts are always consistent with what He’s spoken in His Word. Just look at the Mary and Martha story to see what I mean. {Luke 10} Martha’s busting her tail to get things done while Mary just sits at the feet of Jesus. She’s practicing presence while Martha practices distraction. Martha wants Jesus to put Mary in her place. Surely every woman needs to be bustling around getting things done! But God. He always thinks about things differently. And this is what He said: Only one thing is needed. And Mary is doing it.
That one thing is presence. As much as this world, our flesh and our enemy try to convince us, productivity is not the one thing needed. It’s a distraction from the one thing.
In the last seven weeks, I’ve learned that presence is a practice. It’s not something that comes naturally, even when you’re forced into a state of stillness by a broken bone, bedrest or sickness. It’s not something that introverts do better than extroverts. It’s not something homebodies do better than adventurous souls. Because the truth is, we’re all prone to distraction, even it it’s just mental distraction while sitting still. Case in point: over the last seven weeks, I scrolled Facebook more times than I’d like to admit. We can jump right out of presence and into distraction in an instant. Distraction comes naturally to us.
But God so lovingly invites us back into presence…day after day, moment after moment. He invites us to lay down the idol of productivity with all of its demands and invites us to enjoy the freedom of being in His presence.
Practicing presence is uncomfortable at first. You may feel restless, agitated, unproductive, and if you’re honest, worthless. It will feel like nothing is happening. Nothing you can measure or point to anyway. For people who like to make things happen, check completed tasks off a list, or relish in the fruit of their labor at the end of a day, practicing presence will feel downright undesirable.
So why practice presence at all? Because it’s the one thing that’s needed. The only thing that’s needed. And if the One who made us says that’s all that’s needed, surely it’s worth practicing. Surely goodness will flow from this one thing, even if we can’t see the immediate results.
So how on earth do we start practicing presence? Baby steps. Just like bravery. Start with just a minute or two. Just you and God and your breath. He’s closer than your breath, so even if you don’t hear or feel a thing, you can lean into the promise that He’s right there with you. Want to feel something? I’ve been known to hold my hand up close to my face just to feel my breath. If He’s closer than that, He’s real close!
Another way to practice presence is through beauty hunting. This is my favorite way. You don’t need a fancy camera or stellar photography skills. Just hunt with your eyes and seek to find the beauty in the very spot where you’re sitting. Beauty is all around us, even in the most unlikely places. Taking time to notice and give thanks for beauty creates a sense of presence over productivity like nothing else I know.
Practicing presence over productivity with you today,
P.S. I learned that if you sit still and present long enough, butterflies will consider you a safe place to land. This one stayed for nearly 30 minutes!
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Jennifer - This past week, God has led me to Journaling Bible Community on Facebook. Please check it out. It is filled with beauty. Bible journaling is not something I had heard of and I find it inviting, beautiful, and such a neat idea. Have a wonderful time at the retreat. God bless you.
Amanda - I really really loved this, Linsey. I felt like you were writing about me. I feel like the Lord revealed what I need to be working on NOW. And faithfully working on it–not stalling out, giving up, or moving on. Not letting the general busy-ness of life get in the way. Thank you for these tender words this morning. I can’t wait to see what your camera captures in CO! Love you wildly Girl!!! A
Melissa S - Wow- beautiful, powerful, thank you.
Dianne - When you go silent I worry about you. Hope all is well. Miss your posts. Hugs!
Bravehearted Beauty - I’ll be here writing soon I hope! It’s been a mix of beautiful and broken here. Lots of journal time. That’s where all my words have gone. 🙂 Thanks for checking in!