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Calling all Bravehearted Beauties! I need you. I don’t know how to say this without sounding crazy, but I’d rather risk crazy than stay in this place. Something is in the way of my writing, and it’s not the usual stuff. I’ve got the time, the desire, a peaceful place to write, and a strong sense of calling, but….
I can’t even finish the sentence. It’s that bad. Hours in, and this is all I have to show for it. Missing words, scrambled sentences, incoherent thoughts, and a fully abandoned Easter post that I really wanted to write. That’s the thing: I really want to write. I love to write. I feel called to write. I feel no pressure, no deadlines, no schedule. Just a desire and calling that feels blocked.
I’ve walked away, I’ve given myself grace, I’ve waited a few days, I’ve prayed, I’ve come back, I’ve tried again. And again. And again. You can’t imagine how many hours I’ve sat with my laptop trying to push through this wall. And not just today, but almost everyday. No matter what I try to write, and no matter how inspired I feel going into it, the same thing happens within the first few sentences: brain fog, blurred vision and a crushing headache that gets worse with every sentence I try to string together. It’s not only painful; it’s excruciatingly frustrating! {Insert scream.}
It would be easier to give up. {And you know how many times I’ve wanted to!} But writing is one of the ways I wield my sword. It’s one of the ways I say yes to God and use the gifts He’s given me. So of course I’ve felt opposed ever since I said yes to writing more. Saying yes to your calling {and yes to anything that brings life and light} is dangerous business! But the enemy is no match for a Daughter of the King. Not when she knows who and whose she is. And not when she speaks the truth and dares to invite others into the battle.
What on earth is she talking about?!?! Well, that’s the thing. I’m not speaking of the things on this earth. Our real battle isn’t what it seems. {Read Ephesians 6 for some straight talking.} And that’s why migraine medicine won’t touch this kind of headache. So I’m calling on you, Bravehearted Beauties! I need you to wield whatever prayer swords you’ve got and pray for me.
This is how we fight for life together: we step into the battle and press in where others turn away. We choose faith over fear and say yes to the craziest things. We encourage one another in our callings and dare to believe that beauty will flow right out of brokenness. We remind each other who wins in the end…even if we can’t see straight in the moment.
I don’t know what battle you’re fighting today, but I hope you know you’re not alone. If you don’t have anyone to raise a sword of prayer over you today {or even if you do}, send me an email. I’m all in. If I can’t write my heart out this Easter, I will pray it out.
Thanks for fighting alongside me, brave and beautiful ones!
P.S. I have to confess: this may be my least favorite post ever. In all my years of writing, I don’t think I’ve ever spent such a ridiculous amount of time with so little to show for it. This isn’t at all what I hoped to write, but it’s hard fought and requires all of my brave heart to publish something I’d rather delete. If we knew how hard the brave ones had to fight to pursue their callings, we might not think so little of our own callings and struggles. And what if it’s not the size of our calling or struggle that counts, but the size of our courage?
P.P.S. A huge thanks to my family who encouraged me to stay in the fight and share what’s going on behind the scenes. May they be blessed for their incredible patience with me tonight.
Dianne - On days like this don’t write. Wait until it feels right. The end product will be so much better. We all love your blog but none of us are here to put pressure on you. Relax.
Bravehearted Beauty - Thank you for the constant encouragement, Dianne. Here’e the thing: I feel ZERO pressure to write, and certainly no pressure from readers or from any kind of schedule. I only write when I feel a God-inspired desire or calling. It actually feels right every time I sit down to write, including when I sat down to write this post. I feel like all the words are there, but they get all jumbled up as I try to type. And not just for days, but for weeks, going on months. Frustrating for one who feels called to write. I’ll gladly lay it down for as long as God asks but this doesn’t feel like His asking. Which is why I’m doing the crazy thing of asking for prayer over this thing. 🙂
Amy Avery - My dearest Linsey,
I hear you! You have said yes to your calling and the vulnerability of your call. But rest assured, despite the lack of flow in your writing it does not reflect a lack of faith in the Father who placed those gifts within you. I recently had a terrible fall and injured my spine. In that moment of very real brokenness of my own body, God placed upon my heart the complete unmistakable knowledge of one of my favorite Bible verses, “Be still, and know that I am God.” It transformed me in a way that I have never known. Although my fall and recovery was and has been painful, I see it as a gift in knowing God more fully and allowing stillness to transform my heart to be nearer to his, I share this with you because perhaps your writer’s block is an opportunity for you too to know that verse very intimately. In this time, God may truly be saying, “Be still, and know that I am God.” and trust that I am fighting your battles for you so that I may draw you nearer to my heart. God’s peace and love dear one!
Bravehearted Beauty - Thank you for a fresh perspective, Amy. It wasn’t feeling like God who was blocking, but I’ll gladly look for His purpose and goodness in all of it. I trust Him to use ALL things for good. Even a fall. Though I’m so sorry to hear it. And so sorry for all the pain. I admire you for resting in God, for being still in your spirit.
Dana - Lifting you up in Alabama! Draw near to him…”seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Your words are true and beautiful because you let Him speak through you. Have a blessed Easter weekend!
Bravehearted Beauty - Thank you, Dana. SO thankful for the encouragement today!
paige - friend. i am & will be praying for you.i do NOT take that request lightly nor do i take the promise lightly. i will intercede for you. you know i SO respect and love your transparent heart. its’ not fun to vulnerable with painful tender things…but YOU are a living testimony to the healing power of jesus. & your need for him shows that you boast NOT in yourself. but in HIS power in you.
friend.
i’m praying for you!!! you are loved dearly xo
Bravehearted Beauty - I know you mean what you say and TAHNK YOU! I have felt a shift in my spirit today thanks to the prayers. And then did this CRAZY thing. A video! I know you’ve done it before, but it felt totally crazy for a writer to record herself! I’ve never even taken a selfie, muchness a video! Love you girl!
Lynn Trahan - Hi Linsey,
I found your site a couple of weeks ago and aimed to contact you about possibly sharing some of your writing in our magazine. Our upcoming theme is about exploring the good life and I know you are from Houston, so I think we might be a good fit. Take a look at our last issue at http://www.santafegoodnews.com/issues/150301.pdf and see what you think. The theme explanation is on page 22 and I will put you on the prayer list.
And take to heart this compliment, you are a good writer I just didn’t follow up when I found you.
Lynn Trahan, Editor
Bravehearted Beauty - Hi Lynn. Thanks for the compliment. I’m not clear on what the topic is from the link. I’m not awesome at deadlines these days, but would be open to hearing more about your theme and will pray about participating. Thanks so much!
Gigi - Praying for you, sweet Linsey! The battle is real! Sending you love!!
Bravehearted Beauty - Thank you for saying just that. For acknowledging it’s real. It’s scary to talk about unseen things sometimes. xo
Amy E - I will be praying for you Linsey! I’m struggling to find my purpose, my true calling, right now, so I know the feeling. My thought on your post is this: THIS was the post that God wanted you to write. As much as you want to write an Easter post, THIS is the one that has touched my heart (and perhaps others as well), and made me feel not quite so alone in my own searching. To know that even the strongest callings have moments of doubt, moments of struggle. You are always such an inspiration to me Linsey, even in what you feel are your darkest moments. Thank you for having the courage to show your weakness, and allowing God to use you to lift others up. Have a BLESSED Easter, and know that you will be in my prayers.
Bravehearted Beauty - Amy, feels so good we aren’t alone in struggling to find our purpose, doesn’t it? There’s a post I long to write on our purpose. Someday! I believe it’s born out of the places we wouldn’t choose for ourselves. Particularly pain and struggle. Bless you as you bravely wait for your calling to emerge. And thank you for your words that THIS is the post I was meant to write. Truth!
emi - Will definitely be praying for you Linsey! Thank you for asking. That definitely shows courage. Love to you!
Bravehearted Beauty - Thank you, sweet Emi!
Amy - Sweet friend, you are writing. You are sharing your heart. You are sharing your faith. You are ministering through each and every word you are writing even in this post that you wanted to delete. You are being transparent. You are being vulnerable. You are being genuine. We can relate to you. Don’t think that posts like these are any less important than the others you so desperately want to share. He is using you even when you do not realize it. If all you can write are the words, “He loves you”, then do it. Be encouraged, my sweet Linsey, He is using you in a mighty way!! Believe that!!
Bravehearted Beauty - Good words for my soul, Amy! THANK YOU! Such good truth. Big hugs to you!
Jennifer Camp - You, my dear sister, are brave and true. I love how you press in, unwilling to step down from pursuing the beauty that you get to experience with Him. I stand with you!
Amanda - Girl – my sword is held high for you. I am covering you in prayer. I know the battle Israel – and the victory is already yours. Claim it, sweet girl. And know that I’m praying. Love in Him–A
Suzanne - I am a lurker……this is the first time I have felt compelled to comment. You need to know the comfort and inspiration your writing provides. The authenticity with which you reveal your own struggles is respected immensely and appreciated. Keep your pen on the paper. 🙂
Thank you.
Bravehearted Beauty - Welcome, Suzanne! So proud of you for coming out of the shadows and telling me you are here. Way to be BRAVE! And thank you SO MUCH for your encouragement. Very, very grateful you are here.
teresa - Linsey~
Todays’ post revealed that part of me that I keep pushing down, closing up and nailing shut! The yoga pants, the yoga (or exercise class), the gym, the whole nine MILES! 🙂
Sometimes when I am with those friends I love, I am so reminded that I don’t love them because they are perfect, and beautiful (some of them are, and some of them aren’t), or because they have huge talents, or they are some kind of star. I love them because they are THEM. Just as God made them.
I can so identify with be hard on myself, and afraid to do some things. When you write, I just sometimes think you just picked my brain! I will be praying for you-and I have already! I love your bravery to be honest with us, and to move from your comfort zone, start a new, buy a farm, and get dirty with those darling farm animals. YOU ARE TRUELY BRAVE.
Heavenly Father, rain on Linsey. Just rain. Your kind of rain-anointed rain that will fill her spirit with You. A rain that will give her strength to do as You called her to do. To go where You called her to go. To believe in herself, but most of all, believe in You and believe You path is best.
Give her the words to write from her heart, via Your heart. Lead those who need to hear her words- to her blog, her farm, and in her path that she might be an light to them. Be with her family as they look for Your ways and seek You with all their might.
All this in Jesus name, our precious Savior.
Catie - I just found your blog today and this is the first post I read. It’s beautiful. Your reaching out, calling for your warrior sisters to rise up and fight alongside you is amazingly vulnerable and stunning. You have my prayers and my heart, dear sister! Truly you are God’s Bravehearted Beauty.
Bravehearted Beauty - Oh, Catie, thank you! And WELCOME! I’m so glad you’re here. Thank you for your heart and your prayers. I cherish them. It feels like God has a way of leading people to what He wants them to hear at just the right time!